Thursday, December 28, 2017

Reader,

Humble scribe here and hello happy holidays. May the great gods bless you always; may the heavens & earth calm your mind.

In pressing these various thoughts into clay, your humble scribe has encountered a problem that— well, to be frank, that he might have foreseen. The problem being that, in undertaking the task of talking (writing) about writing, he has confirmed that, yes, everything connects. He has many "topics"; he's written thousands of words. But every topic is linked in a tumbling landscape of spiderwebbed mess such that any attempt to focus—even upon some quite detailed sub-topic—blunders into engagement with all of the rest. Each post he might write to share with you in this space is a marble that, upon grasping, he finds endlessly linked: to a candelabra, the moon, and the concept of love and a waterfall— oops! Also, it turns out, it is not a marble. The thing he first grasped: not a marble at all. It turns out to be (say) a tiger. The sky.

This makes much of the discussion jumbled and unclear — as if all terms must be pre-defined, understood. Which...being unclear is precisely not the point. But, equally: existing, with respect to these posts, is the point. In fact: the point.

So, Reader, sorry for tumbles of speech and of logic; effort has been made, truly, to keep both to a minimum. And with that let's begin. Let us talk about clarity. In fact, we can start with more focus than that.

Let's start with: frictions.

Definitions are hard. For our purposes here, what "frictions" means is: tiny drags on the Reader's attention; tiny demands made of the Reader's ability to intuit linkages in the text.

The "tiny" part is important. We are not talking about errors, or clear (as it were) failures of clarity — problems that conventional editing will address. We are talking about micro-problems, things an editor might not notice or might, upon noticing, consciously leave in out of deference to authorial 'style'. The trouble being that, over time and in accumulation, these 'elements' make a 'style' that is crappy.

Let's use an example.
Real talk: she truly had been equitable as possible, sharing the loot out with Bryn and with Raif.
(The sentence above used to be in the story. It no longer is, though its context may still be familiar to some. Quoting it like this—bereft of context—is deliberate, even if that seems to be counter-intuitive. Much of this discussion depends on context, yes. But: the point is to look at a unit (a sentence), stripped out on its own. To imagine the problems it might present, without the contextual clutter that is necessary to assess how bad it really is or is not.)

There are so many frictions that might screw us up here.

A huge one: the cutesy (dis)ordering of clauses. She'd been "equitable as possible," had she? About what??? Here it is useful to note context: this was the first sentence of a paragraph. So, even if the broad topic and moment in time are (hopefully) clear to the Reader, there is still—by convention—a new thought on offer. A new thought about which the heroine might be, in this case, "equitable." But what is it? 

Addressing this brings up our first key point. Because, in fact, the sentence is not unclear. The question of what "she" (we'll get to that: the "she") had been "equitable" about is not, semantically speaking, bungled. There is a comma two words after "equitable"; the four words immediately following that comma explain what it is she'd been "equitable" about. If someone read this whole sentence and were asked, 'So, what was it that 'she' had been 'equitable' about?' they would, in most cases, be able to answer.

Doesn't matter.

be able to answer. , left unanswered: literally the next four words after the comma explicate precisely what it was she'd been 'equitable' about. BUT: how many readers will have that small, tiny snag? How many will experience, however briefly, a momentary jolt of not following meaning, a bump in the road they must take through the tale? One out of a hundred? okay sorry (honestly): One-in-a-Hundred, you may be on your own. 15/100? hm. that...is not good. 32? shit. 40? more? shitting fuck -- sentence: broken.

A similar point could be made about the 'Real talk' frame that kicks off the sentence. It's a stylistic flourish, so it adds something there. But it may not be immediately clear to all readers what exactly it means: why is the talk is 'real'? is this 'real' talk the thing that was just said (above), or what's about to be said? Et cetera. Now, your humble scribe sometimes overlooks some of these questions -- sometimes you do leap, and ask readers to follow. But is precisely why not asking readers to make any unnecessary stupid tiny little jumps is important. So if you love your 'real talk', if that has to be in there: maybe change up the cutesy misordering just after it -- that moment where some readers might not know the answer to 'equitable about what?'

Again, the question here absolutely is not: 'is it clear, soon enough?' This is not non-fiction; it is not argumentative prose. That does not mean it cannot make demands of the reader -- big, surfaced ?s left explicitly unanswered. Or maybe subtle, folded-in questions left not-even-asked. But neither of those categories apply to these frictions; these frictions are drag, they are weight, they are burden. Each creates load in the reader's working brain; load that your humble scribe may want/need for elsewehere, load that you (the reader) may not even acknowledge. You may just know: nah. didn't like that so much.

A fantastic, terrifying further example: pronouns.
if you literally know from the sentence before, and are a supergood Reader (and Reader, if you can put up with my sh1t: you are) — it still 


every confusing pronoun
and define: confusing
it does not mean an editor would be — hmmm, to whom does this refer.
it means the reader's brain has to make just this tiiiiiiny leap in connection, because there's been just one or two more sentences, a few more words or one thought too many between the actual noun and the pronoun it refers to. Like how many tiny, tiny little snaggy things make up velcro — each confusing pronoun is one tiny hook.
put a few in, even, just — you really slow your sh1t down at your readers' disservice



Emmy swallowed.




...


Warrior Emmy reached up to—




hWOOP!




rising; onstage.




"nrrf. (hello). Yup." Jake gave Emmy a smile, letting go of her hand. "Yeah just the PSU, but. Zap. Ded rig."








the cuteness with the name, emmy --> warrior Emmy


changing "Jake gave her" to "Jake gave Emmy"


tiny little frictions


not clarity. a lot, a lot, about clarity -- of diction and usage, and then of course more broadly of story. but this is not. I think even a reader who's skimming--generally my enemy reader; the person I am happy not to be writing for--I think even that reader would get that "she" is Emmy, here. Grace (Emmy's big sister) is also in this scene, and she's prominent in the first half, but she's at this stage receded into background and not had her name mentioned or been giving a visual check-in for a few paragraphs.


BUT. even for me, reading -- and presumably i'm paying attention to this text -- it's a TINY bit quicker, easier, less frictious to read "Emmy" and not "her", there -- a tiiiiny bit less work to lock into identity and image of that instant. So: change it.


I think I think a lot about these tradeoffs because I'm aware that, in other ways, I ask a lot of a reader. And I want to "ask" those things that I ask; because those are the things that I value and love as a reader, too, so I want to give those to people. But I think an important/useful flip to that--to "asking a lot" of a reader--is to try to make the easy parts easy, the smooth parts smooth.


a lot of it is just the summation of moments of "ask"


there's a moment of "ask" when I go from Emmy to Warrior Emmy; why is that word in there? I sort of remember it from before, what's it mean? etc.
there's a moment of ask after, with "PSU". a lot of readers won't really know what that is; I'm hoping even those who don't know will quickly gloss it as a "tech thing fine whatever", but it's still an ask. and if don't know or do that (quickly gloss it and put it away) then it's really an ask.



so so far tiny tiny frictions is in here -- so gone when it's done
anything else?


Saturday, December 2, 2017

Writing: Ascetisicm; Limitations; Happiness; Practice

this post is about protein bars.

i like these ones, these ones...these ones are [] but []. i'm not going to tell you what to do, friend, but let me tell you: don't buy these,

lashing yourself to the mast of a thing [I KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT'S GOING ON THERE IN THAT ONE]

and...better. happiness.

the thing is it takes times.

that's actually really hard; the momentary deferral that leads to forever because we make decisions in the moment.

Writing: [parallels to TAing / pitching]

I am generally cautious about--sometimes "cautious" to the point of hostility--the careless elision of different things that I do with my time/brain; in this case, specifically, TAing for this course on entrepreneurship and pitching business and writing. It's always "...and writing" if I get my back up; stuff that simplifies/reduces/diminishes what "writing" (in my view; by my definition) is gets my back up.

Buuuuut this quick post is about something in these two realms--TAing for a course on pitching entrepreneurial ventures and writing--that are y'know turns out pretty much like exactly the same.

story and blog
not didn't know what was doing
didn't know interface/craft
specifically, load-bearing capacity of reader → how many new things to juggle


parallel with TAing

Writing: The Egoism of Authorship (is the Point of Me)

the egotism inherent in "Added value" in non-fiction writing

easy to understand at the extremes: malcolm gladwell (one extreme), investigative journalism (another) or on-site journalism (similar)

but harder middle

"why better than this internet article on this thing?"

added value = ego = me

Writing: [Ego part 2]

editing and adaptability; balance between ego and nothingness, crazy and sane

connection between rough empiricism and writing
non-egoism and writing
basic

it comes from you, yes
but you don't understand

the difference between your view of how things should be, or are
and how they actually are

helpful, as often, new perspective of TAing -- refreshment of mind

useful TAing comparisons viz ego, and also the value of ego

taking ego out of it

that's a good thing, sort of

but also deadening, actually

why you're good at the job (are you?)
why people "like you" in it (do they?)



"flock of birds"
"everything is everywhere"
the rattlesnake and the bird

my sister's post

i completely agree --> sane

i completely disagree --> insane

now, as a general rule, let me be clear: empiricist, how the world is, mechanisms of change and of cause and effect. zeeeeero wobble on that...


now, my sister is working under a dramatically different set of opportunities and limitations. her comet-like brilliance cutting a swathe of fire across the night has (in this case of this happening: entirely correctly) caught the eye of the people who Make Things Happen; 

Writing: "Execution" -- one concrete example for the whole rest of this blog

strained metaphors and woolly explanations

one solid example

Amy Falls Down

Jincy Willett digression after

the shape of the story, the description of the story if you will: saucy, sparkling, witty, unexpected, etc. that's what the story's "about"

the shitty example from your own writing!



early draft
He stowed the window. They'd work out the rest: strategize amongst themselves & in the riot of chat; Pm & B/w, bickering. Jake habitually conjectured re: mutual attraction in cases such as theirs. 
At any rate, they'd do that. 
He'd do this.
later draft
He'd let her know out of respect[...]
Respect, also, for process.
The difference between a guild with leet players and a leet guild, Jake would say, is process.
Of course—Jake would add, half-smiling—y'need leet players, too.

Writing: tips -- no, actually they're just tips

a great novel teaches you how to read it. who? google not helpful michael ondaatje with respect no cuz I was a kid

the thing with sounds in column 1

the thing with the narrative voice

no: it's like: tradecraft. do that. do it in a lean, disciplined way; do it in a way that--most importantly--correctly gauges and respects the reader's ability to put things together. but: yeah, just do it!

writing: iteration

advancing the "pieces" one "slot" at a time

really straightforward

[some bullshit]
[some bullshit]
seth says that mmos aren't hard (does the "for'n MMO") thing

because i have some idea about climaxing and pacing the scene, defer, not until 3rd time
but consecutively moved up

absolutely by-and-large think that this is good

one concern: fast

slow readers --> I care about these people. "slow" can be a really bad word; all i can say is i don't mean it that way in this context. i mean it in the way of...the 'slow' food movement, like that. seriously! care and build. this reader i care about, a lot, and if i lose her with this...that's bad. i watch out for that.

the other reader is the inattentive reader. the tl;dr internet reader. i have, on a few occasions--not often--been confronted with a reader who missed an important aspect of the story or hint that i felt that i'd dropped (and, to be fair, who was not complaining to me about this; in some cases even who'd reached out cuz they like the story in genearl, but they'd missed some big thing). and i've a few times literally heard the phrase, "well, i didn't read y'know all the words." one reader used the term "load-bearing", meaning ascertaining whether a given paragraph contained crucial information that advanced A-plot, I guess.

this reader i care about 0, not at all. if you want to scan my story the way you scan (for example) a blog post; or an article someone forwarded you; or your 400th page out of 900 pages of reading for int'l institutions seminar in your second year of law school -- I'm serious, that is totally fine by me. But I literally don't feel responsible for your reading experience at all. It's like saying to a chef "i wasn't sure about the food. oh, the fork i used? it was made out of shit. why? does that matter?" tl;dr all u lyk, fam - 4 real. u do u. i'm not doing me 4 u, tho. r0ll on.

[writing] trying to describe the process

big meta idea; had it for some time, maybe...i'm not sure exactly between 15 and 10 months. working and developing it around the same essential core, and trying to figure out how to thread it through erra because, bluntly, it is the sort of story mechanic that if handled badly is y'know whatever a brainless tentpole superhero level of  sci-fi [to be clear: they're not all brainless, these movies -- i am attaching the "bad" execution of this idea explicitly to the brainless ones]
if handled fine is like "yeah okay cool that's some sci-fi there"
and if handled well will burst the roof your ecstatic understanding and lift your heart and your mind to the sky, at some point to return but who knows when, you are done, this book has unmade you better go take a walk.

so obviously we're shootin' for the last one.

then the idea, the berenstein idea -- min a friend.

then, writing today. working chapter 3 of column 2; NOT NOT NOT thinking about this
but no question an overarching purpose of this last whatever 18 months editing has been making this stuck, setting the story up to nail the landing on this with both clarity and economy

and...hwoooop

breaking vs not.

short-term:
you're tapped, go do something else

long-term:
how many projects to juggle? how many to work on today? this week? give full days, 2- or 3-day chunks to single projects? or some other approach? wut what what wutwut?

tiny tiny frictions

Emmy swallowed.


...

Warrior Emmy reached up to—


hWOOP!


rising; onstage.


"nrrf. (hello). Yup." Jake gave Emmy a smile, letting go of her hand. "Yeah just the PSU, but. Zap. Ded rig."




the cuteness with the name, emmy --> warrior Emmy

changing "Jake gave her" to "Jake gave Emmy"

tiny little frictions

not clarity. a lot, a lot, about clarity -- of diction and usage, and then of course more broadly of story. but this is not. I think even a reader who's skimming--generally my enemy reader; the person I am happy not to be writing for--I think even that reader would get that "she" is Emmy, here. Grace (Emmy's big sister) is also in this scene, and she's prominent in the first half, but she's at this stage receded into background and not had her name mentioned or been giving a visual check-in for a few paragraphs.

BUT. even for me, reading -- and presumably i'm paying attention to this text -- it's a TINY bit quicker, easier, less frictious to read "Emmy" and not "her", there -- a tiiiiny bit less work to lock into identity and image of that instant. So: change it.

I think I think a lot about these tradeoffs because I'm aware that, in other ways, I ask a lot of a reader. And I want to "ask" those things that I ask; because those are the things that I value and love as a reader, too, so I want to give those to people. But I think an important/useful flip to that--to "asking a lot" of a reader--is to try to make the easy parts easy, the smooth parts smooth.

a lot of it is just the summation of moments of "ask"

there's a moment of "ask" when I go from Emmy to Warrior Emmy; why is that word in there? I sort of remember it from before, what's it mean? etc.
there's a moment of ask after, with "PSU". a lot of readers won't really know what that is; I'm hoping even those who don't know will quickly gloss it as a "tech thing fine whatever", but it's still an ask. and if don't know or do that (quickly gloss it and put it away) then it's really an ask.

compass; map; tools

compass --> direction, you need to know that

but you don't know what the land is, what's there, interior movements
those you have to discover

and i guess sometimes wrong direction, but that's kind of...well, bad. some people might object to "bad" because if we're trying to talk about art
and not commerce

its all "discovery", etc., and I SORT of see that viewpoint

but I think then we're interacting two things:
a view of ART
and a view of LIFE

my view of ART is sympathetic to this idea--discovery, pure organicism, "no wrong decisions"
my view of LIFE is unsympathetic to it, in ways I accept as subjective but also stand by: time exists, opportunity costs exist, i want to make ART (not commerce, apparently) but i do want my ART to be recognized in the world

Plot vs. Story

I don't want to write about "plot" vs. "story".

This blog post is not about, per se, "plot" vs. "story"; I'm not 100% sure what those terms even mean, or if they even have universal, or universally useful, meanings. And I am 100% certain that I live in a city (and I bet there are others; or other creative communities) where kind of weird entrenched factionalism surrounding this kind of debate is all baked the fuck in, and a lot of that bake is tbh just because it's very hard to make a living at this sh1t, so everyone's trying to sell you an answer.

THAT SAID:

I have spent today scraping away "plot" from a scene-- it's chapter 2 of column 2, when Emmy goes to school and we see her out in the world, post-quake, for the first time. And I had all these plot beats that I'd "artfully" "woven" into the chapter, to drive A-plot; and indeed, I do need to drive A-plot.

But I hated them; they felt mean to these kids, whom I love. Because the point of this moment in Emmy's world is that New York--the city in which I m*therf#cking grew up--has been wracked by a world-changing, terrifying calamity. Which um may sound sort of familiar to some of you, as well. And so this fact--that I was kind of disrespecting the lived reality of these kids, and the trauma they've been through; that I was authorially letting plot drive the interactions and flow, so that I could "seed" certain pieces of information, so that...whatever.

I still think, if you read all the words, you will get it.

But I stripped away most of that shit. It's a chapter about a bunch of kids who love video games, who are in high school--which is hard, weird, and awesome, and who've just had the shit scared out of them because out of the blue their world started to shake, buildings fell, people died. That is now what the scene is about.

Which, in this case, I am comfortable calling a case where perhaps I let "plot" get the best of me, and it feels...honestly, not just good. It feels right; it feels--not exaggerating--a physical lightness and strength in my chest--to let go of that, and get this right, and let these kids have their story, in this moment they're in.

okay, these are people, they are talking, they [hate / love / know] each other, we are in [a place]

i don't miss much

a simple practical that I (and others, i think sometimes as well, miss)

that first beat of dialogue is like the post title -- you're registering context and the existence of the things

it's that second beat--hopefully, the final beat of this terse dialogue or whatever--that lands as information to hold

i long ago learned not to f*ck this up by adding a different "second" beat before the second beat I needed or
even more obviously
adding a third fourth and fifth beat, after my "second" beat
[i should add: this is, indeed, obvious; i have, indeed, 'known' it for years; in drafts one through...five, i still regularly screw it up in some way]

the subtler mistake i make that is harder is that i make beat one too long
it is hard to gauge the exact moment in which the text and the reader, together, inflect from the point of

okay i am establishing this thing; i get it; it's a thing
to
okay here is some information. one piece, maybe two. hold onto it. THE PURPLE STONE EXPLODES WHEN IT GETS TOO COLD. or whatever the fuck. remember that, okay, reader? okay let's move on.

and scuffling a first beat that gets to long into the "second" beat f*cks you up as squarely as adding extraneous beats before/after; it basically is a variant of adding extraneous beats before. so you wind up too long, and unclear, with information buried rather than there in the way that you want it:

glinting and obvious on the ground, one lone gem, evident to the reader's eye and attention even if all she sees on first pass is, "oh: glinting."

inflect

so basic:

do you get to inflect it or do you just have to say it

if you double-inflect you are fucked -- fuck the reader
sometimes even a single inflection is too much

by 'inflect', here, you mean language that is figurative or not-quite literal

there's a hint of show vs. tell in here; 

"writing"


I think/hope this particular project process gets easier as it goes along, since the writing itself is just like, language as a content delivery mechanism rather than writing. It's substance and content and treatment qua HKJC stuff and classroom viability, so earlier input is useful to course correct where maybe I've gone wrong or just could go better.

plotplotplotplotplotplot

plotplotplotplotplotplot

THEN

you get to improvise

a little more tenuous, but big:
how, after shedu, to get emmy too "it's about the sun"
extispicy
storks
or NOTHING JUST HONESTLY SEE WHERE SHE IS BY WRITING UP TO THERE AND HAVE HER ACTUALLY DO HER BEST TO TELL STANG WHAT SHE CAN

uh oh

i shouldn't be a writer i should just write

let's be clear: some of the best writers ever weren't writers; they just wrote
chekhov
walker percy
jane austen, actually

always felt that the cut-and-thrust of...not for me. i'm bad at it and, super-frankly, i don't see the worth or use of most of it. friends in it; much of it good / fun, and a small % essential and valuable*

*what the hell is this? by my subjective measure, right? yes. but also there's a thing, here. or: i don't know. i don't know. i don't know!

In Defense of Those Stupid Little "Writer" Things -- Frictions

adjusting the headers
header
header2
ha, right! no. smart.

frictions

for the reader, too, but that's a topic for another day

not hearing the words

I know I'm tired when I'm no longer hearing the words. That's a slight...that's not a perfect description. Because when I say "hearing", it's not like--most of the time--I'm literally hearing them. There are times, with Erra, that I read it aloud; but those are discrete and specific. But there's a shape and a cadence that has the same physicality as sound that they bloom into as I read them, and work with them, usually. Till I'm tired, and the words get much farther away.

To be super-honest -- I can write you some stuff if I'm tired and not 'hearing' the 'words'; to be super-honest I bet I can write you some great stuff, like that. But for Erra, great--whatever that means to my very-limited capacities, in this moment--is not good enough. If I'm not close to the words then I'm just going to have to throw them all out and redo them. Which is probably part of why the stupid thing takes so long; this moment of mental fatigue doesn't come at the same point every day, but it's a bad day if it comes before say 4-5 hours of 'real' writing (and so I have to divert to other, not-so-real stuff) and a great day if it comes after 7 or 8. It's really, really rare--no matter how smartly I try to break things up, or refresh myself with food and workouts, and believe me I've tried all sorts of stuff...yeah. I think I cap at about 7ish hours, for this kind of totally engaged hyperfocus. It's like true muscle fatigue: not when you tap out or stop trying quite so hard, cuz you're muscles are hurting. When your muscles just stop, they just can't anymore. I "tap out" sometimes too, of course; I don't mean I'm some super-stoic everyday working right up to the brink of ability. But I often do, and I often feel this point where it's like...yeah, no. nope. I'm toast.

And then there's nothing to do but wait, rest, eat. Tomorrow.

true parallel tracking

the planner

the doer

the doer is basically always correct.
but the planner (a) keeps the doer sane, and on-target; (b) has good ideas! it's good to look at things in their entirety, from afar, with fresh eyes, all of that all of that
but the doer has to do them
and--if you believe in this stuff the way I do at all--that is definitionally what the thing is. not everyone does, but imho that's why we get "idea of story" type stories and not stories
because the doers were for whatever reason subservient to the planner (which, of course, can be part of themselves)
obviously a lot of this, in our society right now, means capitalism.

but the basic dichotomy isn't limited to that
nor are its tensions
or the respective strengths and demerits of these two things in creation

Adverbs!

do not use them

iterating edits

basic, very high level thoughts on the 2nd - 7th or 8th time around


latter times -- syllabic count, phonemes, poetry, gems


these times simpler:
 respect for the reader's time, attention, and pleasure.

things that are (upon reading) obviously unclear; sometimes even unclear to you, upon revisitation, although to be fair that's unusual. more often, though: clearly unclear to like, anyone else

making things faster, without making them worse (i.e., faster, but just as clear).
one of the most common changes is like: fehns sees a thing; she [introduce knives]; other thing (often, dialogue); then Fehns [does a thing with her knife that is cool and action-oriented].
a super common change is that second bracket gets bumped to the spot of the first -- nothing is lost, you still clearly establish "knife" and its identity, and it may even give you room for a straight-up expositional note further down that does not feel dumb/clunky, and the story moves along much more quickly. these add up. i mean, they add up so much like: the difference between something that is briskly and satisfying paced and something choggy and bad.

saying things in fewer words. this is just as it is. not the same as above. above is moving [chunks], images, beats. this is literal phrases, the stuff within []. just: eleven  times out of ten, you used way too many words first time round. if i gave this blog the same treatment i give erra prose, as i've written before here, it'd be idk...2/3s shorter? a lot shorter.


show vs. tell example(s)

early draft
He stowed the window. They'd work out the rest: strategize amongst themselves & in the riot of chat; Pm & B/w, bickering. Jake habitually conjectured re: mutual attraction in cases such as theirs. 
At any rate, they'd do that. 
He'd do this.
later draft
He'd let her know out of respect[...]
Respect, also, for process.
The difference between a guild with leet players and a leet guild, Jake would say, is process.
Of course—Jake would add, half-smiling—y'need leet players, too.

converging on an idea: the ideas get better with time

"you're still not satisfied with the trigger/hook that makes Emmy realize XYZ and take (heroic) action ABC"

you can think of a million things
but they're all additions
ADDITIONS ARE BAD
you want one perfect thing that threads through

so you have this idea for the 'sound' of the apsu -- that's a thing in this story, sounds and apsus (lol)
and it relates to other stiff with what you're calling the 'diegetic lore' element of the story
which winds up being, in a sense, the element of the story (or rather: the element that leads Emmy, Stang and the reader to the thing of the story)

so it's good and you're playing with this but it's fussy
and it still feels a tiny bit additive
cuz you have all these sounds, already!
in fact, you have sounds generally and particularly linked to this same thing: the specific instances ("Instances" -- ha!) where there is elision between Akkad and what you are calling EIRL, which is an acronym that will be familiar to many readers here (the "E" is for "Emmy") and that translates to "emmy's ('real') world"

so you had this idea for a sound -- a very specific idea, you knew what it sounded and felt like
and that felt kept nudging at you
for like "felt" deep "in your heart you know this is right for the story just follow your heart" type of reasons
and also very practical reasons (it is dumb to add things. not Aristotelian. you are doing bad plotting.)
these things are, doubtless and as always, connected

so now we get to the real 'action' of this story, which unfortunately has to be either be so long and detailed that it will lose meaning
or so short it loses all granularity

we go for the latter:

you wrote this note in these files that you keep
"cAction" files
there is one for each column, organized by chapter
and they are specific actionable things you are doing as you go through to make this story the best thing you can possibly do

so you wrote this story in column 1, chapter 2, which is Emmy's first encounter with the game and everything associated with it

how to handle the sound, through c1 and c2?
it might relate to the onomatopoeia in an unexpected way
look at Plot for original ideas for descriptions
there are so many sounds in this story
what if this one, you don't write
for instance, in prose: it was awkward to capture

then, you worked on other parts of the story (column 2, chapter 4)
and looped back to do high-level structure work in the files that you keep for that purpose
for about...five weeks?

you made progress. a lot of high-level structure stuff got changed, iteratingly, bit-by-bit
and at some point while working out you had a good idea

you came back and from around 4:30 - 7:30am on a sunday morning [this sunday morning]
locked some of those structural ideas into the high-level structure files
and then flowed them through into the cAction files

and one of the first things you found was that question
and it was, indeed, like: oh, yup. sorted. sweet.

game on.


it is hopeless, it is useful

this is about the work you were doing in Aransas Pass, but could also apply to your work while you're TAing.

The idea is: it is hopeless, because grabbing 2-4 hours a day just isn't enough to make progress. Even perfect hours, that's not enough to really drive progress. And if they're compromised hours; well -- no chance.

BUT, it's also worth noting, or has to be noted, that it is so much better than not doing that; you keep connected and so much more tapped into the work. You don't lose it, and you 'don't backslide (as much).

it is hopeless, it is useful.

"finding it"

i can't explain the moral aesthetics behind this, really. or i can't justify them.

to me: a lie; intention; narcissism; forcing yourself on the world
vs.
truth; interpretation; receptivity; flowing the world through (inevitably) your filter

the process is simple
fucking write, asshole. find it

find it find it find it
nothing is better or more important
it's all that matters

you can tell in one sentence if a writer is there or not, often. (longer works, slip in and out -- finding it, but sometimes...you need a chapter where she goes to the cafe to meet the guy, or whatever, cuz apparently no one knows what's happening without the etc.)

separate thought

it's good when you have the same idea, over and over again

"world building"

operationalize things

show, don't tell

now, sometimes tell. but the limit i've discovered is one to one.5 sentences.

i may be wrong, or a d1ck -- but i am definitely not trying to be cute or contrary.

rule: if you're telling for more than, say, 1.5 sentences -- cut. it means you've fucked up, and are actively fucking up. you are actively and knowingly wronging the reader: her attention and time, and your esteem for her as your Reader.

it is incredible how consistently this is true. Truedeath passage. show them both! do it ! do it! share !




The charm hovered, flickering on scree leading into the hills.
They approached.

A New Path is TrueDeath. Enter?

"O. Yes," someone said. (Who? Doesn't matter. Ninety minutes: dead.)
Emmy's eyes danced; her fingernail crescents got hot.
TrueDeath.
Reader, to be clear: Emmy ed, ed this game. Since the night she had Fallen and passed its weird test, her heart lived inside it. In Fehns, in Akkad.
TrueDeath.
Her fingers curled. Just finding a TD sparked knuckles electric. Shed of lore, here's what mattered: super-challenging Instances (dungeon, battle; it varied). Just a handful in-world. They popped up and vanished, no one knew where or why. There were theories, of course — based on datamined clues and metagame calisthenics novella-length headlore about...Reader, again, we've all seen it: there is no limit to how weird gamers get, stuff like this. Left to their own deft hypothesizations.
So yeah: even finding a TrueDeath was pretty exciting. But beating one? what then? what was the deal, huh?
? ? ? ?
No one knew.
No one'd beaten one yet.
Fehns ran in that cave like her feet were on fire.
F&ck "world building."

you don't get to do your dumb "world building" bullshit. world-building is not writing -- PLEASE don't tell me a thing that i know which is that writing is whatever, i know that, okay you want it another way:

"world building" is masturbatory, sophomoric 'writing'

world-building is for you. now, there will be some readers who are 'you', meaning who get so into your story or approaches stories in such a way that they want to delve into all the blah blah blah

but THAT IS NOT MOST PEOPLE.

and i don't mean "that is not most people" in the sense of 'most people don't read most books; even books that get read by lots lots lots of people don't get read by most people' etc.

i mean that the relationship to story that we practically all expect -- and this is, to be sure, culturally derived; but i'm using culture VERY broadly here -- is one in which...

world-building is for you.
i have...i'm not joking, i have a novel's worth of cut paragraphs, several paragraph exegeses, etc. of all the world-building shit. i'm not saying that makes me great at building worlds, i'm just saying it's true, and omigod if you don't think some reader and authors elide VOLUME with QUALITY in the world-building game then you have not read...just, yeah. certain authors.

and this is why it pisses me off, in a sense more than anything else

if someone writes prose in a particular way i do not like, as a reader, but they write prose in that way and it's tuned and it's crafted --> 0 bad

if someone just can't really write prose --> hold judgment; maybe they are a cynical assface who wants to tell things and make every one of us dumber...or, maybe they're just a person that i think 'can't really write prose'. both totally possible. hold judgment

some world building fucking guy (YES. USUALLY GUY) who is probably a guy probably my age by now (maybe a little older, but...maybe not!) fucking...

it is the direct result of a failure of an empathetic discipline that is at the heart of effectively conveying a story to other people, instead of putting words on paper ("paper". whatever. u know what i mean) because...I don't know. it feels good, to you, or something.

Valerian was a weird and-- whatever, this isn't a review of Valerian. But [a] [lot] [of] [critics] singled out its start as being pretty great, and that's because (a) okay yes the thing with the world that you see through the glasses and you're there but not there your ARM IS STILL THERE UHOH! and all that: very cool; (b) it did "world-building" in an exhilarating, even thrilling way -- you saw them acting and doing and moving through their world, being people in their world, and that's how the "world" got "built" i.e. just through showing story and action. Valerian provides a kind of interesting example in another way because this super-deft, absolutely streamlined (at least for much of the first act) introduction to the physical and social realities and technologies of this movie's world could be readily and immediately contrasted with the "shitty world-building" version of "character establishment", i.e. character conversations so expositional and on-the-nose you almost didn't know what to do with yourself, like if someone started to take off all their clothes on the bus you'd just...you'd get off, at the next stop? but before that? it was like oh my god. sorry digression the point is the world-building.

editing example "engine of time"

 
As if it were the engine of time it displayed.


clarity mission
"engine of time"
it's not clear. you're already attempting something a bit figurative here; the concept of the phone as an 'engine of time', the concept of EMMY IMAGINING the phone as an 'engine of time' and therefore tossing it aside, the very physical action that Emmy undertakes, which is described with this clay's customary cute-ness about pronouns and prepositions (uses few, sometimes).

basically you need a 'the'. so the reader's eye/mind isn't caught on the single streaming phrase, 'engine of time', which is half-right but derails the form and therefore meaning of the sentence, and therefore the whole beat

 
As if it were the engine of the time it displayed.


okay but not okay
too many syllables
which breaks the whole point, the whole reason for being
not just of this beat but, literally, the whole text
the gods are displeased at this

 
As if it manufactured the time it displayed.


okay!

you will change this, no doubt, when you pass here again

your brain is smarter than you are (but it takes a long time, to [] do things this way)

emmy and hands

writing

'finding it'

cliche of the writer

divination; the gods

but it's...sad part:

correct! slimbuttons has [observed this] (link to that one other post); he is right in this

circling perorations, iterations, loops and reverals
it knows

here's a basic thing about this: you have to believe you are not in fact broken. this will come out very differently, for different people.
(1) some won't believe it, and will persevere regardless. your humble scribe has such a deep well of empathy for creators who live inside this predicament that it makes his stomach churn; because he sometimes, often, feels this way himself. that he is in fact broken. that something is Wrong. and--side note--believing or not believing this may not in fact be that relevant to the quality of the work you produce, unless of course the weight of it makes you stop producing. meaning: if any of us wanted to, we could produce an arbitrarily long list of creators (of all things) throughout history who, either because of their art had an emiserated and self-hating view of themselves, or perhaps did art because they had a &c. -- we'll never know, but either way the point remains that we have a long list of very unhappy humans doing fantastic art (which of course leads to preposterous, 10th-grade theories that IN YOUR HUMBLE SCRIBE'S VIEW catastrophically and melodramatically misreads the much more nuanced and interesting relationship between 'suffering' and 'art); anyway tl;dr -- this first point is that [[some people 'deal with this' by not getting to deal with it -- by living with the weight, or more of it, etc.]]
But, your humble scribe is extraordinarily fortunate in that [two reasons he doesn't have to]
1- what was the first? he forgets the frist. there were two. really!

when you present as a certain gender, according to norms; when you are a certain race, as we script racial identity; when you act and appear in a certain way; when you can present certain institutional credentials that somehow ratify your viability as a person who does things with thought; when you speak in a certain way...people tend to at least act like they are giving you the benefit of the doubt. the world sort of...you may be implicitly inundated with reminders of your own sorry failures, but those are from you, really -- reading the world. what the world explicitly gives you--meaning how people treat you--is generally positive. now, it's true, that when you are a certain gender and race and etc. etc. people also may categorize you as another privileged one of those, etc. which is, um, completely fair. because you are.

anyone who lives inside this shape of identity, as your humble scribe does, who...well, who frankly seems to feel that the "tradeoffs" inherent in their particular identity do not break enormously, momentously, overwhelmingly and continuously in their favor, who seems to think that there is some kind of abstract way that being identified as a member of a privileged demographic annuls or substantially diminishes the privilege they enjoy...your scribe will be blunt: they are mentally weak, lacking either in character or mental rigor.

the point here is not to pretend that your humble scribe is able, in his particular case, to uncouple the exorbitant privilege inside which he resides (a thing that is not his fault, but probably not a good and fair thing, qua the world) and his ability to pursue a Quixotic, internally-motivated (rather, channeled by the gods), multi-year creative project to...create something perfect (which is, while obviously a complex proposition, a good thing -- if only because sometimes when people make this choice, pursuing such goals, we as a collective culture get masterpieces). In his case, he cannot split one from the other.

this is a weird digression, perhaps, but it stays for a reason -- operating within the confines of a market economy, and a series of status-oriented social scripts built around that...it IS hard, to do a thing like this. and it must be acknowledged, if we are examining the process and ins and outs of giving yourself unto that, what supports and benefits each particular case (this particular case being: your humble scribe) is subject to.

really tl;dr -- he is very, very lucky.

2- this is a little more pat-on-the-back; and perhaps also a little more actionable, since "be a member of a preposterously privileged racial/gender/social demographic" is not per se 'advice' (and when did advice become our aim, Reader? never. it's not. but if you're writing something it's presumably to share it with someone, so: yes.). doing things to verify non-broken-ness. this is very important. other related projects. things with writing; preferably with a bit of creating.